Verizon destroys AT&T with its new "There's a Map for That" Commercial

It is long been my belief that, despite treating their customers (my family) like lepers, Verizon is the best and, by extension, has the biggest 3G penis in the business. Finally, if there's any lingering debates on that fact, well, "there's a map for that." Not only does Verizon reign supreme, but AT&T's catchy witticism, "there's an app for that" is now six feet under.

And for any AT&T customer who says, "BUT EVAN, I WOULD RATHER HAVE A SWEET iPHONE THAN GOOD SERVICE LOL," allow me to retort. Ignoring the fact that all the incredible iPhone features, like OpenSSH or DropCopy to share file between your cell and desktop, are obsolete with no 3G coverage, the most important truth is AT&T's success, essentially, has depended solely on the iPhone-- which has come at a heavy price.

You see, the first-generation iPhone was originally rejected by Verizon because Apple's term of service essentially forced them to bend over and take it like Ving Rhames in Pulp Fiction. AT&T accepted the deal, realizing the need to mitigate their inferiority to Verizon's dominance, and now has to pay money back to Apple for every new customer of the first-gen iPhone.

Ergo, Verizon is too good to sell its soul to Apple and, as a result, is the industry's best.