Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Cardinal Sins of Facebook

Despite its popularity and cultural relevance, Facebook is very much a failure in the same way the Internet is.  The Internet was originally intended to be a democratizing agent; a tool for prosocial change.  But today, roughly 20 years later- it's mostly a portal for free porn and reckless anonymity (partially because there is no fiber optic cable in Afghanistan).  Facebook is no different.  Instead of being a platform for social networking, Facebook is a forum for high school and college students to procrastinate and bullshit.  In fact, that's exactly what 90% of Facebook consists of- complete bullshit.

Below is a list of Facebookisms that piss me off the most.  Enjoy, reflect on, and most importantly- avoid these cardinal sins.  Please.  There's only so much mindlessness I can tolerate.

1. Posting "Texts From Last Night" on Your Friend's Wall

Above is a screenshot from a "friend" of mine's wall.   It took me 2 seconds to find.  Why?  BECAUSE EVERY GIRL DOES THIS.  Girls, this makes you look really, really stupid- like someone I could only meet after drinking four Hurricanes.  You wouldn't walk around with a shirt that says, "I'm a dumb ho," would you?  Such blatant displays of cuckoldry are baffling to me.  

2. Hyperbolizing Unnecessarily 
This just isn't funny.  Or clever.  

3. Posting Lengthy, Ominous Song Lyrics as Your Status
It's bad enough that becoming "Facebook Official" is now a crucial step in our generation's relationships (which I suppose no one can help), but this is just inappropriate and awkward.  Cut that shit out guy, you're alienating everyone who visits your profile.  Not to mention that song is completely insane- good luck finding a rebound girl with a status like that.
4. Greek Life Nonsense 
I'm not even going to say anything snarky about this.

*puts on blindfold and runs across the highway*

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