Monday, July 19, 2010

This Week in Review-- College Cocktails Vol. 3 (The Skidmore Bonus)

In addition to the thrill of acting like a hooligan and a suicide-inducing hangover, my recent excursion to Skidmore College also produced the most deadly College Cocktail to date.  More vile even than the Willie Horton

COLLEGE COCKTAIL -- Bundy Beer (Beer + 1-2 shots of Ethanol)

Bundy Beer will murder and defile your esophagus like it was Caryn Campbell in 1975 (Bundy's 14th victim).  Your gag reflex will try to halt Bundy Beer's descent into your stomach but, just like the cunning and ruthless serial killer it is named after, Bundy Beer will prevail.  As the putrid taste of grain alcohol mixed poorly with cheap beer lingers in your mouth, Bundy Beer is busy overtaxing your liver and eroding your stomach lining.  It shows no mercy.  Drink Bundy Beer if it's your wish to seriously harm yourself.  Or right before a Justin Bieber concert.  Whichever.

Rating: Full Gnar

BACKSTORY:  Bundy Beer was actually consumed by myself and Johan Von Reves (if you're cool, you know who this is) this past weekend at Skidmore.  Johan's house mate went to the World Cup this summer and brought back a vuvuzela, which was impromtu converted into a drinking funnel on Saturday night. 

We still had a little bit of Everclear left over from last night's festivities so Johan dared me to pour two shots in my full cup of Keystone and funnel it through the vuvuzela.  Of course I abided, much to the dismay of my kidneys and liver.

In admiration of my own shameless feat, I triumphantly bellowed out of the vuvuzela and handed it to Johan.  He followed in kind only to vomit everything in his stomach as soon as he removed the horn from his lips.  Everyone cheered.

The description I typed up above is not an exaggeration at all.  For lack of a better metaphor, Bundy Beer tastes like a bile-flavored wine cooler.  If nothing else, Bundy Beer represents the unrepentant bad behavior that is induced by the mythical atmosphere of Skidmore College.  I blame the institution.

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