Saturday, January 23, 2010

Genius Bar War Stories

Besides struggling in a world of morons, Apple "Geniuses" put up with a lot of shit.  From computers caked in toxic waste to getting punched in the face, the war stories are endless.  The best part?  They're all true.  Here are my two favorites:


A man was having problems connecting his iPhone to his Linksys router. After it became apparent it was a router configuration problem, George turned to Cisco tech support to help the man out, so he could print the instructions the man needed to fix it. The man decided George was taking too long, and called him a "fucking idiot."

George replied that if the man kept verbally abusing him, he wouldn't be able to continuing helping. "Fuck you faggot," was followed by a right jab to George's face, caught on security camera, and actually shown here. The man ran around to the other side of the Genius Bar, determined to turn the assault into a full-fledged fight, before several Geniuses could restrain him. He ran out as the cops were called. Apple's currently pressing charges.

George has a new job now.

You're a Genius!

Genius Bar appointments are a sad fact of life if you need to get anything made by Apple fixed. But you know, some people don't have time for that crap. They're too important. When a guy, we'll call him Chuck, found out the wait at Robert's Genius Bar would be at least 30 minutes, he pitched his laptop onto the counter, and told Robert to call him when it was fixed. Without mentioning what was wrong with it, or leaving any contact info.

A few weeks later, Chuck returns, asking about his laptop. Robert remembered who it was, and told Chuck he needed to get it checked in and sign the paperwork before any work could proceed. Chuck didn't time for all that, and left again. Without a signature, it couldn't be fixed.

Another few weeks go by, and Chuck returns. Robert's been waiting, and has a form ready to go that just needs a quick signature. He explains that they haven't been able to work on the laptop without his signature, but it would only take a couple of days once he signed it over.

Chuck explodes, "IT'S NOT DONE YET? BUT YOU'RE A GENIUS! YOU'RE A GENIUS! YOU'RE A GENIUS! YOU'RE A GENIUS!" Chuck starts doing the Tom Cruise hop as he repeats his cry, over and over.

A different employee goes out to take care of Chuck, who manages to calm down and sign the form, but not without asking the new guy, "What's it like to work with fags all day?"

Chuck never returned for his computer.

Big thanks to Matt Buchanan over at Gizmodo.

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