Sunday, February 28, 2010

This Week in Review-- College Cocktails

Unless you went to Brigham Young, chances are you drank in college.  A lot.

College is binge-drinking central.  It is, perhaps, the most obvious example of classless, reckless drinking short of a night out with Robert Downey Jr.  So much so that the elderly members at my country club request the "college pour" as a euphemism for "It's a Sunday and I want to get shitty."

When drinking with the expressed purpose of getting drunk in the shortest amount of time, naturally one will drink some pretty heinous concoctions to hasten their trip to alcoholic oblivion.  What's all the fuss about?  Your Favorite Blogger's Favorite Blog decided to investigate.

COCKTAIL #1 -- SUPER BEER (Beer + 3-4 shots of Tequila)

Ever been teabagged by a Mexican migrant worker?  If not, Super Beer will leave a similar aftertaste without the messy hang-ups and awkward silence the next morning.  After a couple sips, my taste buds incited a riot that knocked out two of my teeth and cut off half my tongue. I've never been to Mexico, but I can only imagine its people stay away from this "beverage" and instead opt for a more flavorful thirst quencher.

The drinking water maybe?

Rating: Scrotum-ey

COCKTAIL #2 -- JUNGLE JUICE (Hawaiian Punch + Ethanol)

Smoother than James Bond and stronger than King Kong, Jungle Juice is outstanding.  It's a Dear John letter from your brain to your liver with anthrax sprinkled in the envelope.  So potent that one cooler is said to be "a virtual liquor store"; enough to get dozens of people mindblowingly wasted.  Fight the temptation, drink with caution.

Rating: Deliciously lethal

COCKTAIL #3 -- FANCY BEER (Beer + 3-4 shots of Gin)

It skips the lines at night clubs.  This beer stops at the Hotel W just to take a shit.  But don't mistake class and elegance for weakness, it has no problem letting you know your liver won't be the beneficiary of a good night's sleep.  Drink fancy beer after a round at Augusta National or a night at the 40/40 club.  Just remember to hold your cup with your pinkie out and call the bartender, "garçon."

Rating: Donald Trump

Bookmark and Share


Skeets said...

Pineapple Express

3 3L Bottles of Pineapple Soda
2 Bottles Peach Schnaaps
1 Handle Everclear

so tasty + sweet + alcoholic = naked women

Jon said...

J-O-O Beer

1 keystone ice

1 full bottle of manischewitz

best served in a funnel luke warm.

mmmmmhmmm tastes so good it'll send you back to puberty.

anuavhad said...

haha these are great recipes and im gonna get hammered off these