Tiger Woods & His Sex Addiction

*sigh* The Tiger Woods saga continues as the public, like scurvy-addled alcoholics, yearns for their next drama-infused glass of disulfiram & OJ.  And I, like your crazy Mormon neighbor, am frustrated to the point of insanity.

Can we please look at this objectively without all the extraneous variables like his endorsement contracts?  Was Tiger ever going to say, "Sorry, I can't have sex with you tonight-- I'm, uh, I'm the spokesperson for Gatorade"?  Exactly.  And I digress...

Here are the two pertinent facts:

A) Tiger Woods had sex with a copious amount of women.

B) Tiger Woods has a sex addiction

Now I know what you're thinking and I would ordinarily agree, sex addiction is the ultimate cop out; the Nuremberg Excuse for scum bags.  But consider this--  Loredana Jolie, a call girl hooker as well as one of Tiger's many mistresses, described Tiger's sexual appetite as "not normal" and stated that sex rehab will never fix him.

A fucking prostitute (no pun) said that Tiger Woods has a sex problem.  If that's not convincing enough, just look at some of the women Tiger allegedly slept with.  My point here is that for sex addicts, like Tiger, sex is a compulsion.  Just like heroin addicts will share dirty syringes, sex addicts will bump uglies with just about anything.  With that said, allow me to introduce exhibit A:

Behold Mindy Lawton, the 34-year old diner waitress and winner of the (un)prestigious "Tiger's Ugliest Mistress" award.  One can only imagine the amount of alcohol that preceded those passionate, and visually disturbing/vomit inducing, nights that Tiger shared with Miss Mindy.  

All joking aside, Ms. Lawton's lack of physical appeal, especially compared to Tiger's wife, reaffirms my point that Tiger does not have sex for pleasure; rather he has sex to momentarily satisfy an uncontrollable obsession that is as insurmountable as it is powerful.  People like Tiger need sex to get through the day whether it's with a beautiful Maxim model or the afternoon special at Perkins (see above).

So what have we learned today?  Tiger Woods does, indeed, have a problem.  Stop- that's just my opinion.  The lesson is to think for yourself.  Otherwise, people like Jim Rome will be able to shape public opinion.  Please don't let that happen.